Cast In Stone

And after that night I knew there was no looking back,

So I sealed eyes shut knowing I’d be cast in stone,

The sun peaked over the cold night as dawn arrived,

I heard your footsteps this morning as you got up for work.

The fan muffled the yawn that escaped my mouth.

The glint off the mirror stings my eyes.

The girl in the mirror has discolored bags under her lashes,

Hoping that she will at least get a few hours of sleep.

The covers shield the sun breaking across the sky.

Under the covers her body gets warm,

Sticking out a limb to capture the cold morning air.

The snore in the bed over breaks as the realm of sleep is left.

The room is shared, but the sleep is not equal.

An alarm clock sings over and over:

“Wake me up before you go, go.”

Six o’clock in the morning with weary eyes from crying.

Disguised under sheets to hide from the waking,

Frozen like a stone laying in a fake sleep formation,

I sealed my eyes shut letting sleep take over.

Let me be Blunt

We lie to each other so much that in nothing we trust

The worst is that we even lie to ourselves

I promise you that I say all of this in honesty

We, my friend, are all judgmental

Some people keep an open mind about each others lives and hardships

But there are the people who sit there in scorn, unable to relate

Even the people who are open minded will sit there and judge

Thinking how they would take the path differently

I’m speaking the truth when I say that we are all hypocrites

We can all lie and say we don’t judge

But somehow the snide criticism pop up in our heads

It takes a true person to come out and say it

This shows that even if it is blunt, there is always a helping hand

But if we are all hypocrites when it comes to judgment

Who is to say that we are not honest?

And if we are not honest then whom can we trust?

Drop out kid

I can't take anything anymore. I'm tired of making people happy. I just wish everything could stop. I'm sick of all the judgmental faces and the paranoia. It should have ended when i was supposed to.

wallflower

My insecurities will get the best of me and i seem to be always over my head. Don't you think it's funny how you'd think after a life changing opportunity like mine I'd be able to change? Be more outgoing. Be more friendly. Be more out spoken. Then i take one look at all the faces in front of me and i know, they are all silently judging me. Whether it be bad or good, i wish that all people were accepting like i was, to be honest and open minded about people's life styles and ethnicity. Is it weird for me to feel left out? or that i just don't know how to connect to anyone anymore? i feel like that i really try but i can't find the words to find some common ground. Perhaps I've made myself more into a wallflower.
Not only that, I'm really stressed out. i forgot the hustle and bustle of being in high school. I forgot all the drama. I've seen more insensitivity in the past two weeks than I've seen in my whole high school career. Perhaps i was just blind.

The Silence

The Bones creak like bamboo in the wind

Age is what became of this man

He’s standing outside in the harsh winter of December,

His joints are ruined with arthritis and his feet ache with gout

And even at old age he takes in what life has to offer

Because he knows when it’s his time, he has no choice but to go

He enjoys the melancholy of his life

It reminds him that even in happiness there is pain

He stands in front of the grave with roses in hand and says

“It’s been two years since you’ve passed.”

Although she can’t hear him, the silence is some what comforting

He tries to find words to say

Words are skinned and numbed by too many bricks

He doesn’t mind the loneliness because he knows his heart was only for her

When he mumbles under the wind those three words;

He knows the intensity of what they mean,

Even if it falls short of what he really wants to say

He doesn’t think his love for his wife will ever measure up to the years they spent

Because he believes the priest was wrong and death doesn’t part them,

And life is only temporary

And when he places the rose on the base of the grave

He knows its time to go home,

And return to the same house where they both once lived;

To lie in bed on the right side because she always took the left,

And sleep with comfort that she was there once

august makes it all go away

i don't drink but i wrote this for a story i wrote and i thought since i haven't posted in a while i can get away with this :)

Drunken laughter on the shores of Rhode Island
Walking miles in low tide
The moon was a glistening reflection
You took your hand in mine
Our fingers intertwined
So then it spawned a moment of drunken bliss

If you’d only remember the night before
We’d put every summer night to shame
Red cup attached to your lip as I was attached to your hip
Wake up and do it again
Every day perfectly repeating as the end approaches soon

August makes it all go away

Under my skin

You are under my skin
You flow with my blood
You flow to the heart that which you have stolen
You are the form of my being
At night I wonder if you think of me too
Laying awake smiling because you make my day
I guess there's never any rest when you're at mind
When we don't talk it seems like time is just empty spaces until words are exchanged
I never let go of the happiness you've brought me
Because I never want to feel pain ever again
We're like two puzzle pieces that have not connected yet
When I think of you I wonder how your hand will fit with mine
That we're so close there is only skin holding us
I know that you are completely and utterly under my skin

liberate today

I was sitting in a bird cage and I never seemed able to stretch my wings
It's a thing of shame when you're put on display for vanity
You swallowed the keys, and I was locked up for good
But I'm liberating today and shaking the loose feathers
You can't hold me in

wooosher.

The puddles that envelop the ground show a reflection of my future none with shallow meaning.
"This kid's gone overcast" He says.
but what does he know? His car sped through the puddle
It splashed me and my future seemed to damper my spirits.

Dear Laura,
http://stories.mibba.com/read/252045/The-States-of-Being-in-Between/
Love, Michelle.

this is a clever title.

I didn't wanna believe you when you said tomorrow was a brand new day
because when the sun went down, I saw the darkness
and I wasn't sure if I'd ever wake up from this dream

Nugget of wisdom

The scariest thing is when your think you're going to die. You begin to have a panic attack. Your heart is racing, and you feel a loss of breath. The room is spinning and you're no longer in control. BUT when you are actually dying, pain doesn't seem to matter anymore because you're so used to it, you can't feel a thing. You are numb. And feeling fatigued is just like another night before you go to bed. It's about knowing and accepting your life and knowing it's value.

just to save somewhere other than microsoft

"Love is transit, it just moves around from place to place until it reaches it's destination." Audrey said toying around with a screw driver on his desk.
"So what am I? A lost package?" -Audrey chuckles.
"You'll know when love comes one day, we're young! No one finds love easily it takes time."
"I'm not patient though!"
"Look, all I'm saying is that it takes time, and when the moment comes for you it'll happen. You can't rush what you don't know, but when it comes it's going to be passionate." Audrey sighs putting the screw driver down.
Wes sighs looking at the stucco patterns in his ceiling from his bed "Alright, well can we go watch a chick flick now?"
"Why? So you have a reason to cry and feel manly about it?" She teased
"Exactly," He grinned

C'est la vie

The difference about now and then is that; then I used to go with the flow of life, you know roll with the punches, C'est la vie. And then I would nitpick things about my life that I did in the past and what I should have done. Now, I don't fret as much about what I'm going to do because I have the power to change my future.

i'm a gleek

I was naive, so i took a taste of the bitter side of the world.

Stuck in transit

I’ve been walking around with my eyes closed

Because it feels better to be in a world of make believe

But when I opened my eyes I saw street lights flickering on and off

I frown slightly; perhaps some one should notice and fix it

So imagine it shining as bright as the afternoon sun

Walking around in the darkness makes it my street light night light

I see my neighbor standing outside as usual

He smokes his cigarettes escaping from the stress of everyday life

He’s got a birds point of view, observing the life around him

He stops me from the top of his drive way and asks

“It’s midnight; you’ve walked this street up and down a million times”

I walk up the drive as the garage door light shades his features

His white hair tousles in the winter breeze

I spoke as he took a drag, puckering his lips and letting out a puff of smoke

He flicks the ash off the butt

I watch as the embers fall and fade in to the pavement

“You know, it’s nice to escape once in awhile

Have some piece of mind, today the world is just filled with stress”

I watch his eyes travel to the sky and rest on the big dipper

“You know when I was your age I used to look at the first star each night

And wish on it”

He said beginning to laugh, remembering his younger days

I dig my hands in my pockets and sigh wishing that I’d have wished on a star

But I forgot and took in the night sky all together

“You know when you were a kid you’d walk around your yard,

Stuck in your own world, I never knew what you were doing.

You’ve gotta have a great imagination”

He smiled and patted my back breaking out in a cough

He’s got a smoker’s lung, you could find him outside any time of the day

Escaping for a moment before his wife calls him back in the house

“FRANK!” his wife calls making this is cue

“Hey kid, don’t let the world drag you down”

We exchanged our good nights as he put out the cigarette

I took one last look at the embers glowing while the scent of smoke dispersed in the air

I closed my eyes and walked down the driveway making my way home

Borrowed Blood

This blood, it is not mine
It is borrowed
I suppose it's mine by now
After it's cycled it's way through the four chambers of my heart
and made it's way through my capillaries
But it is not really mine

I was once A positive, healthy and full of life
But then I started degrading
Until one day I found bruises on my arms that were explainable,
The headaches and bad luck that kept me bleeding
Diagnosed with two terminal diseases
But that would never bring me down

When I found out about it's betrayal,
I was aided with countless transfusions
Still A positive, but not entirely mine
It came to the point where I need a transplant
Where my blood needed to start over again
O positive, that's my blood type now
Same as my sister, my donor
Grateful now that I have life

But this blood, this blood is not mine
it will never be my blood
My blood was bad, so this blood is new
borrowed, but not temporary
Forever mine until I pass
So, I guess technically this blood is mine now

But to me it will always be borrowed

Get out of my head

I'm going through another cycle of insomnia, it's not like its a big deal. Just a loss of sleep. It's probably the result of anxiety and stress that's been trapped in my mind. It's just that.. well it's gonna sound stupid and redundant, but I've lost too many people this year and it just hurts. I can't have anymore people leave me. I have no clue what i'm doing when i go back to school. i only have like three people i can hang out with and for the rest of the people "who are there for me" haha, yeah right. fuck you. If you honestly expect that when i get back everything will change and go back to normal and we can be BFFs well it's not happening. Things changed and i'll never forget that. that people werent here when i needed them. You know, at first i thought that things weren't going to change but then i realized that they were and i was trying SO hard for them not to, and then i thought well when i get better things will go back to normal. Uh uh. It never will.

happiness is a warm gun

I’m so happy.

I’m walking down the street scuffing my shoes against the pavement

Humming a tune I made up a minute ago

Making up some fancy foot work as I go

Pretend that no one can hear me singing as I belt out a tune.

Its night time and the street lights are cascading down on my shoulders

The audience is the stars

Believe it, They are shining down on me

I’m a closet singer

Never really liking my voice, but good enough to hold a note

I’m singin’ because I feel like I’m free fallin’

I feel like a volcano is erupting inside of me

And those butterflies are finally floating away

So I smile at the moon and take a bow

Waiting for another encore as a star falls down

Make a wish

Well, I wish for this feeling to never go away

Everything fits into piece right now

So I’m gonna sing another song

Maybe about how I’m falling for you all over again

I believe that love is a rare thing

And you make me feel like ever cliché has come true

You catch my eye and make me whole

It’s like staring at Picasso’s master piece but better

But singing this love song would make my throat go dry

Because I have too much to say

Boy, I could sing about you all night

Serenade you as you stand from a balcony

Or stand outside your window with a boom box on my shoulder

Either way, my point will come across

You make my heart sing like an orchestra

The Beatles said happiness is a warm gun

I’m feeling a bit trigger happy

My toes are tapping and my shoulders are swaying

A melody escapes from my lips

As I sashay down the street

Making believe that tonight is a musical

asdf

wind, whisper me secrets you only share with the sky.

oooh you're my best friend.

i haven't been on here for ten days... i just don't have much to say. Well, for one i'm glad that laura and kali came over last weekend. i finally had some one to hang out with after like a month. I kinda just want to hang out with katie because sometimes it feels like she's slipping away and of course she moved so it's expected. Sometimes it just feels like my online friends are more there for me. probably because i talk to them everyday haha.
the other day i was laying in bed with my mom and just talking; some thing we often do not do because everyone ends in an argument. Well, she try to put ideas into my head about a certain some one and i don't really want to go back to that place where i'm pining over him again. So, i don't know, it's just weird. He's just my best friend and everything seems like they're going good.

I'm kinda really heavy hearted because rusty is getting really old. i love my dog and he is just that kinda loveable big lug that only wants to cuddle, lucky isn't like that. But watching rusty slow down with age is depressing and it makes me realize that i love him a lot more than i thought i did, it's just so heart breaking. i think i'm just gonna go downstairs and give him a long hug.

have you ever really just danced on the edge? just hold my hand and jump.

i'm done.

i'm done with trying to talk to everyone. what's the point in putting in the effort when i get ditched or just have a measly conversation. i'm done dealing with this one way fucking street bull shit because i can't even talk to anyone. i want to move.

really i can feel the pressure.

i really feel like the song pressure by paramore, except that everyone is better off with out me.

hide

i've always hid behind other's problems thinking that if i could help them, mine would disappear. Lately, I haven't been able to do that therefore there has been a lot of mental confrontation. It just feels like a never ending cycle, picking out my flaws and how they can be resolved. True, everyone is not perfect and i understand that. It just feels like if i solve them, i can be a better person and be at peace with myself.

note to self:

Don't loose hope in yourself.
No one says can bring you down, so, stand tall.
Believe that your dreams will come true.
Stay positive.
and remember to finish stories you start.

Hope Embraced Soundtrack

If only i did have a soundtrack for this.

1. Picture perfect by every avenue
2. Sputter by The Academy Is…
3. Days Like Masquerades by The Academy Is…
4. We’ve got a big mess on our hands by The Academy Is…
5. The phrase that pays by The Academy Is…
6. Miracle by Paramore
7. Turn it off by Paramore
8. Let the flames begin by Paramore
9. Go by My Favorite Highway
10. What are you waiting for? by My Favorite Highway
11. Simple life by My Favorite Highway
12. Carry on by Valencia
13. Head in Hands by Valencia
14. Free by Valencia
15. Can’t see myself (falling asleep tonight) by Valencia
16. Just another Marionette by Emarosa
17. The Resolution by Jack’s Mannequin

if only i could have my own personal concert...

my set list would be: jonny craig/Dance Gavin Dance/Emarosa.
then, My Favorite Highway
followed by, Paramore
also, Lady Gaga
plus, Fall Out Boy
and then, Valencia
and den, This Century
to Finnish it off, THE ACADEMY IS...

is it wrong to say i fantasize about meeting billbecks all the time? i just want to sit down and talk about writing with him. OMG. and if NSYNC was willing to reunite, they'd be on my list fo sho.

so anyways this is just a random thing i had on my mind that i had to put somewhere, it isnt my usual thoughtful writing. oh well. so if anyone, please, anyone wants to throw me a concert that's be dandy ("